The decisions around having children and the constitution of one’s family are literally as old as time. But today’s parents probably have more choices in this regard than ever before. It is also true that the make-up of families these days is more varied than ever before, with single parent families becoming almost commonplace and same sex couples gaining ever more acceptance.

What factors should I consider before deciding to have another child?

Well, what are the pros and cons of having more than one child, and when should that second child arrive? First it needs to be said emphatically that this should be a purely personal choice of the couple concerned. This extremely important decision should not be influenced by familial or social pressures. There is nothing wrong with deciding to have only one child – research suggests that single children seem to be as well adapted as children coming from larger families. In fact, since the 1970s, the number of single-child families has increased to about 1 in 5.

The jury is still out on the ideal period between children. There are good arguments for having your kids close together; there are good arguments for spacing them out. What can be said, though, is that spacing your children does make it easier in several ways. Parents are able to spend more individual time with each child, and it is easier for the parents to pursue some personal interests as well. Having two or more toddlers clamoring for your attention at the same time, or having to play referee between them, is extremely exhausting! Pursuing anything more ambitious than a few hours’ sleep or getting the next family meal prepared before collapsing, becomes simply a pipedream.

Financial considerations are also a factor – having to buy two cribs and two car seats and having to pay two preschool tuitions simultaneously can cost a lot! However, having your children closer together means that you get through the midnight feed mayhem and diaper dramas sooner, and later the family can enjoy family interests and traveling together more easily.

Should I wait until I’m more financially stable to start my family, or am I risking infertility?

There is a lot to be said for waiting to start a family until you are financially comfortable and have established a career. Recent research indicates that early motherhood can have a negative impact on a woman’s later earning capacity before she has laid a secure career foundation. Coupled with this, having children later in life holds all sorts of rather amazing benefits regarding a woman’s later emotional, physical and mental health.

And the fact is that there is a pronounced trend towards women having their babies later. Mothers having their first babies at age 35 or older is much more common these days than even two decades ago, and the percentage of women having children well into their 40s and even beyond has tripled as increasingly women marry later as they pursue more education and get themselves settled in jobs and/or careers. Which does raise the issue of infertility becoming a problem as both women and men’s fertility declines with age. However, with the amazing advances that have been made in dealing with infertility, this does not need to put the kibosh on starting a family.

If it turns out that infertility is a problem, what can I do?

Well, the first thing to do is to not feel that you are struggling with a unique problem. Infertility stats vary significantly from country to country, and the causes are still being debated, but in a nutshell it can be said that 50 years ago the average number of children per woman was 5. That number has since been cut in half. In SubSaharan African it is estimated that between 5-8% of couples experience infertility at some point during their reproductive lives. What makes the problem particularly significant is the social stigma that still attaches to childlessness in Africa.

However, infertility is no longer a sentence to childlessness. Help is very much at hand nowadays for childless couples in the founding of excellent fertility clinics in South Africa and across the world. So, if you are experiencing problems in this regard, it is almost certain that help is no further away than a visit to your nearest fertility clinic.

What options do I have if I am not ready to start a family now, but definitely want children later?

First let it be said that you do not have to do anything – if you are in good health, the chances are that even in your 30s and 40s you will be able to fall pregnant and have a child perfectly normally. But many women do not want to take the risk that this may not happen, so they resort to egg freezing. Which means literally just that – your eggs are removed surgically and then frozen to preserve them for later implantation so that you can bear a child/children later at a point in your life that you judge best. This is of course an extremely simplified way of describing what is a very sophisticated procedure, that has some risks and costs attached, but it is definitely an option.

Embryo freezing is another procedure that makes it possible for people to store embryos to result in pregnancy and a child at a later stage. A woman’s eggs are harvested and fertilized; the embryo forms after fertilization has happened, and the cells have started dividing. Again, a very simplistic description of a very complex, delicate and sophisticated procedure.

The first successful pregnancy that was achieved by freezing and storing a healthy embryo for later implantation, dates back to 1980s. It has been repeated successfully many times since then.

Published: 2020-03-23 22:00:12