The other day, my cousins and I were discussing about psychology. I considered taking it up as a major in college because I’m interested in reading people’s minds and interpreting their actions. Kuya SJ knows how to, and he suggested that I watch this TV series, “Criminal Minds“. I’m downloading it now yay!

We landed on a certain topic that I can relate to. Envy, as defined in Wikipedia.org, is an emotion that “occurs when a person lacks another’s (perceived) superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it.” For serious cases, envy becomes a poisonous concoction served to both parties involved. Kuya SJ even told me that people who are consumed by too much envy lose their minds and can-will-might KILL. Scary.

Seven Deadly Sins by ~blackeri of deviantart.com

I’ve been an object of envy for several times and I’m telling you, dealing with envious people is complicated. You have two options – to ignore them or to deal with them upfront. I’ve done both and neither two yielded a positive outcome. It’s either you keep it bottled up inside and let yourself suffer or confront the person then lose him/her as a friend. That’s why I’m “envious” of people who can just brush off these issues easily, because I don’t have the ability to.

Gossip Girl

I once unleashed a darker side of me everybody knows does not exist. My patience reached its limit that keeping quiet is not an option anymore. I treated this person as a sister before. I have no idea that she’s envious of me. [Sana kung kasing-ganda ko si Jinkee at kasing-yaman ko si Manny Pacquiao, maiintindihan ko. Haha!] She always kept a pleasant face in front of me, saying all the right words. I’ve just discovered later on that she was stabbing me behind my back. Smearing a person’s reputation through lies and gossip is the most pathetic thing to do, especially when that person hasn’t done anything evil to you. It’s indeed true that if you let envy into your veins, you can easily destroy a person’s life. Too bad for her, wrath is my mortal sin. It was too easy for me to retaliate and fire at will.

The Boy is Mine

It’s not easy being hated by a woman because the man she adores have chosen you. This happens to women who get trapped inside a love triangle, whether they like to be involved or not. It happened to me a few times – been hated and hated somebody for romantic reasons. “She” looked at me with such fury. “They” kept on babbling about me like “hindi naman siya maganda” and “ang panget naman ng ilong niya”. Etc, etc, etc. I’m thankful that I’m [totally] married now.. unless one of us cheat. Then it will be jealousy, not envy. There’s a fine line between the two, but according to what I’ve read and understood, envy involves two people while jealousy involves three. “Naiinggit ako sa kanya” (envy) is not the same as “Nagseselos ako dahil sa kanya” (jealousy). But who cares about the difference when your heart is breaking, right?

Mimicry Butterfly

I had a friend in school who copies everything that I do – from my homework down to the details of my nail art. One time, I bought a cutie little item for my trinket collection and there she was, starting her own mini collection too. I didn’t hate her because she didn’t intend to hurt me, but that really ticked me off; really bothered me. Imagine painting an artwork, a person suddenly copies your masterpiece, then takes all the credit from critics. There goes your creativity and hardwork, there goes your personality, there goes your passion – all down the drain. They say that “Imitation is the greatest flattery” but when it gets too obvious and intense, it becomes a rather different story. Copying is not a sin but nobody wants a clone. Even Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen have their own distinct styles different from each other. I myself copy from time to time, but I’d rather call it as “inspiration”. I make sure that when I copy, I can wholeheartedly admit to myself that what I’m about to do perfectly suits my personality and taste, and then turn it into something I can claim as mine.

~ _ ~ _ ~ _ ~ _ ~ _ ~ _ ~ _ ~

I believe that there’s a positive kind of envy, the one that makes you work harder and achieve higher. I’ve been envious of people who have more confidence in themselves, because that’s the one thing I lack and the one thing that I’ve hoped for (aside from a better-looking nose, a boutique somewhere in tralala land, an in-house library, a special purple room with all my purple things, and the list goes on..) LMAO.

I find inspiration every now and then to build my confidence without raining on somebody else’s parade and without hurting anybody. It might not show, but in everything I do, I need assurance & approval from my loved ones. That’s how unconfident I am. That’s why I grew up to be a perfectionist. I have a selective obsessive-compulsive syndrome that brood from my lack of confidence. (Note: I have been revising this post for the nth time.. not confident enough to leave this alone..)

I would be a hypocrite if I say I didn’t feel envious even once in my life. I envied a lot of people because there are qualities that I hate about myself. My mom told me when I was a child that the things I don’t like about myself might be objects of envy for others, so there’s basically nothing left to hate. She had a point.

There’s no reason to put/pull people down just because you want their place. You can get there without bothering anyone. If not, maybe it’s not meant for you. Life’s like that, you can’t have it all.

It’s possible not to fall into envy’s trap. For me, I follow this one rule: Don’t let envy dwell in your heart.

Published: 2011-05-24 08:41:18