The end of a relationship is never ‘easy’, particularly when there are children involved. A couple ending their relationship must each come to terms with their feelings about the other and the loss of their relationship. Their children must also come to terms with their feelings about their parents’ separating and the impact it has on their lives, in every respect. Their response to the separation is influenced by a variety of factors including their age and stage of development and, perhaps most importantly, the extent to which they are exposed to conflict between their parents and other adults involved.

In recent years, mediation has emerged as an alternative to litigation in the formulation of a parenting plan. Mediation is a voluntary process such that both parties must agree to participate. An amicable resolution of parenting issues, a parenting plan agreed upon by the parties, as opposed to one imposed by a court after an adversarial process, is clearly preferable. It is the culmination of negotiation not litigation and, as such, less fraught with conflict, and has a better chance of being implemented successfully.

The determination of the parenting plan, be it the product of negotiation, ordered by a court after a trial, or awarded at the end of an arbitration, does not conclude matters. Inevitably, there will be issues in the implementation of the parenting plan, such as disagreements over activities and requests for temporary changes to the parenting time schedule. One alternative is for the parties to have these disputes resolved by the courts or through arbitration. This process is ill-suited for the resolution of disputes of this type. It is costly and the antithesis of expeditious.

A generally better option for separated parents is to utilize the services of a parenting coordinator to assist them in resolving disputes that arise in the implementation of the parenting plan and, failing agreement, who they have authorized to make a binding determination of the issues in dispute.

The mandate of the parenting coordinator is delineated by the parenting coordination agreement. As previously indicated, and as noted by Lindsay Hanifan Childs, a family lawyer at the firm Vetrano | Vetrano & Feinman, LLC in King of Prussia, PA issues for determination may include “… how and where custody exchanges take place, participation in extracurricular activities, childcare, and temporary variations from the court-ordered custody schedule to accommodate a special event of particular circumstances”.

Parenting coordination agreements, and/or the terms of the agreement providing for one to be retained, will generally explicitly prohibit the parenting coordinator from changing the party with final, major decision-making authority, mobility issues, or financial issues, other than how the parenting coordinator’s fees will be re-allocated.

The parenting coordination process as an alternative to litigation is supported by many judges, lawyers and children’s mental health professionals.

“There are numerous advantages to retaining a parenting coordinator rather than returning to court whenever there is a dispute in relation to the parenting plan,” says lawyer Donna Wowk, a Toronto lawyer whose firm, Wowk Law, specializes in cases involving parenting and legal issues involving children. “It is a more amicable, expeditious and cost-effective process. Working with a parenting coordinator may also help parents learn to better communicate with each other and resolve issues between themselves thereby decreasing their need for third party to resolve parenting plan disputes.”

Susan Boyan, LMFT, director of the Cooperative Parenting Institute in Atlanta, says that parenting coordinators play a neutral role in the conflict between the parties, and that the process is a non-confidential one that allows the parenting coordinator to be more active in monitoring parental behaviors.

“This allows the PC (parenting coordinator) to report back to the attorneys or testify in court if necessary regarding how the parents are co-parenting and how their behaviors impact the children,” says Boyan. “The primary role of a parenting coordinator is to shield the child and help the parents to avoid further court action. Our responsibilities vary based upon the language of the stipulation or court order.”

A parenting coordinator is not appropriate in every case. There is a cost to the service and there is potential for one party to overuse the process thereby causing the other party to incur costs they may not be able to afford. To some extent this can be addressed by authorizing the parenting coordinator to re-allocate responsibility for the fees. Essentially, a costs award. Other factors that may make parenting coordination inappropriate are the same factors that make mediation inappropriate, such as a significant power imbalance in the relationship that cannot be mitigated. According to Coral Springs, Florida lawyer and family law mediator Diane L. Danois, while it can been a difficult call knowing when use of a parenting coordinator is appropriate, when the time comes it is good to know they are available. “Parenting Coordinators are trail-blazing an alternative path for parents to resolve their co-parenting issues outside of the courtroom,” she writes. “Their tireless efforts and willingness to engage with high-conflict relationships are readily embraced by members of the court system, who are otherwise exhausted by the endless volatile battles that rage on and on, ranging from what foods to permit the children to eat to what movies they are permitted to watch.

As Danois says, disputes such as these require a professional to help the parents make good decisions for their children, and even sometimes an umpire to make the final decisive call.

Published: 2020-01-06 22:21:19