There’s nothing more emotionally charged than a bad divorce. Both estranged husband and wife are so angry with one another, they are like two powder kegs about to explode. Says the experts at Divorcemag.com, parents tend to make lots of mistakes during the divorce process. The major problem with this is that when they “mess up,” it’s the child or children who suffer the negative ramifications.

For the most part, divorces are filled with frustration and bitterness. It’s because of this that fathers in particular tend to make bad decisions right from the start. For instance, a father who is unaware of dad’s rights, might decide to sign over parental custody of a child to the mother since he might buy into the myth that kids rely on their moms more emotionally than they do a father. It’s illogical decisions like that which can cause pain for you and your child in both the short and long term.

In an effort to appear strong on the outside, fathers tend to internalize until they end up lashing out at the people closest to them. Days and nights are filled with frustration to the point where severe depression can set in and perhaps even alcohol and drug abuse. It’s not uncommon for some dads to lose their jobs while divorcing. Add to that the fiscal obligations that go with divorce such as paying for an attorney, spousal and child support, plus putting out money just to keep a roof over your head. Even when dealing with efficient full West End law firms and getting the best advice you can, divorces can still be a source of frustration and stress which can quickly reach a boiling point.   

According to Divorcemag.com, many divorcing fathers aren’t even aware of the negative consequences their actions can have on their children since the actions are so emotionally driven. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Here are the 5 most common stupid mistakes dads make while going through a divorce and, more importantly, how to dodge them.  

1. Moving Out Right Away

Many dads just can’t take the pressure and the stress of the constant fighting, especially in front of the children. Therefore, in order to create some peace, you pack up and leave the family home. A dad all too often assumes the courts will award custody of the children to the mom. But you, as a father and equal coparent, should first become aware of father’s rights since, in reality, courts weigh many important factors prior to awarding final custody to either parent. There have been many instances of fathers who were awarded full custody simply because the mother was unfit personally, emotionally, and financially to properly care for their child and children.

But if you move out of the home too early, the courts see this as “abandonment.” In that case, child custody is automatically awarded to the mom no matter what her situation, and you will also be financially obligated to come up with a hefty spousal support payment, on top of child support.

2. Giving Mom a Hard Time

Perhaps it’s your wife who has initiated the divorce proceedings either because she just doesn’t love you anymore or she’s found another man. In the case of the former, you might experience profound confusion and sadness. But in the case of the latter, you might experience anger or even rage. In both instances, you might develop a short-term hatred for your wife. But this is no reason to express your anger by fighting with her or demeaning her in front of the children. Fighting can be a major waste of time and emotion. For certain it will prevent you and your spouse from coming to an agreement that works for you both.

If, as a father, you refuse to come to an agreement on a divorce just because you know it will cause pain for your wife, it will only increase your legal fees. Also, some states like California and New York now can legally penalize a dad who behaves unreasonably during a divorce.

3. Overspending

A bad, protracted divorce is not only expensive, it can drain a dad’s bank account entirely if he doesn’t prepare a budget early on. You not only need to pay for a divorce attorney (a good one, presumably), but you will be required to pay both child and spousal support. If, in order to blow off built up steam, you spend your nights in bars and weekends on expensive getaways, you’re going to blow through all your cash quickly. Add to this the possibility of losing your job over depression, and you can dig a financial bottomless pit for yourself that includes maxing out credit cards and ruining your credit score. Get a grip on your legal obligations and expenses first before going on any spending sprees.  

4. Ignoring the Children

A dad sometimes becomes so obsessed with the frustrating legalities involved in the divorce, not to mention the anger and resentment he feels over the situation, he ends up ignoring the children. One grave mistake a father who is unaware of dad’s rights can make is to agree to everything the mom is demanding in order to avoid further fighting and confrontation. While fathers do this out of love for their children, it is not the right thing for them or for you in the long run. While kids naturally crave peace at home, what they also desire is your attention. You need to make contact with them on a daily basis and do not give up on the fight for equal parenting time.  

5. Not Paying Child Support

Paying your child support is the law. Full stop. But some dads stop paying it since they believe their wife is spending it on other things besides the children. Or because they simply don’t have the money. But even if you’ve lost your job, the law demands you keep up with your child support obligation or the courts will penalize you. But courts also understand a change in financial circumstances if you seek out the help of a lawyer who will argue your case before a judge. An experienced lawyer can help you secure a child support modification in Maryland or elsewhere, and more than likely, you will be awarded a temporary or even permanent modification to your child support obligations.

Published: 2021-03-02 21:16:20